Poems of a Nomad

You swept me off my feet

The moment our eyes met

Never thought I would feel this way

And experience this kind of happiness

My lips form a smile

Just with the thought of you

But my heart flatters the most

Whenever you’re near me

Your enigmatic smile

Usually brightens my day

And your mere presence

Undoubtly completes my everyday

How I truly wish

It would continue this way

But probability stands

If it’ll happen even for a sec

Already you are tangled

Within a relationship

With years as foundation

And a stronger bond of friendship

All I can say

All I can hope for

All I can ask for

Could you be mine?

I’m in a rush with you

Energy to the maximum level

Always wanting for the tome to stop

And spend each minute with you

I’m happy when I’m happy with you

I always look forward

To each day I spend with you

With excitement and enthusiasm

We’ve been strangers

Not so long ago

But being friends with you

Had me falling for you

I’ve known for before

Your heart and eyes are taken

There’s no way

You’ll be seeing me but as a friend

If loving you means letting go

Then I’ll leave it this way

Silently my hearts yearns for you

At least I am with you

I don’t have the courage

To shake your hands and say goodbye

For doing it so

Will have my determination collapsing

It hurts to let go of you

But I choose your happiness over mine

It brings me satisfaction

Seeing you smile and laugh

I’m contented with us now

Being friends and close as hell

It may look intimate with the others

But it was always like this from the start

 There would be nothing

As lucky as it is

To have a responsible father

Who take everything as his

But such a shame

If it’s the other half working

Tiring herself to death

To provide for the family

Such a father’s shame

To sleep comfortably

While his wife suffer

From a disease unknown to all

It’s a father shame

To completely depend

To depend on other people

To take responsibility of his kids

It’s a father shame

To be oblivious

How irresponsible he looks

To the eyes of his children

It’s a father’s failure…

A father’s shame…

Not to be ashamed of all…

He’s no longer mine

But it hurts so much

I’ve set him free

As confusion reigned on me

I was being unfair

I’ve thought of using him

To forget my damned past

And move on with my life

But… why the notion

Of living without him

Kills me silently

And tears my apart cruelly

Tears started to fall

I know it’s my fault

But he broke his promise

To wait for mu healing heart

He’s with another

I feel it in my gut

Creating a fresh wound

To my newly mended heart

It’s not supposed to hurt this way

But I need him, I miss him

More and more each day

But the question is why?

Compared to when I was a student

I never thought that working

In the real setting of a hospital

Is harder than the ideas we were taught

Though we know of the theories

We have to deal with reality

Decide what’s best for the patient

Based on circumstances like finance and state

We have our hands full

Of patients more than the theories we know

Reality strike back as I enter this world

For I handle patient 3x the ideal number 7

If before, I was careless and impatient

Now, I am careful and meticulous

I’ve become patient to several kinds of patients

And did more explaining that I did before

I’m loving my work today

Loving to give what they needed

To take care of them holistically

Physically, emotionally and spiritually

Ho accomplished I feel to see them improve

How happy I am to see them smile

How proud I am to see them discharged

And how fulfilled I am to hear them say “ Thank you for everything”

But others would never understand

They would never feel and see

The happiness, elation and success

If they are not a nurse like me

This is a nurse’s life

Full with care and passion

Filled with joy and laughter

All from a person sick who became healthy

Thinking back of the years

I have never really imagined

Seeing myself as I am today

A gal working as a nurse

Seeing the bookshelves at home

Reading titles of law

Arranged according to years amended

I dreamed of becoming a lawyer my grandpa was

But as I grew older

Realizing my mom was sick

Witnessing my nanny for 17 years die

I wanted to understand their sickness

I have wanted since then

To take care of them

Based on the knowledge of he disease

And what they need most, sick as they were

I decided to be in the medical field

In that way, I’ll know

Why and how did it happen?

And what they needed most

So, I took exams for college

Applied for medical field courses

BS Biology, Psychology and Nursing

Determines as I was, I passed them all

But I was suddenly confused

Which of the 3 would I choose?

I weighed the pros and cons

And made up my mind to take nursing

I passed all the subjects

With an average of 85 and above

I promised myself to work my way up

An become professional someday

Being one of the registered nurses today

I thought back of yesterday

Did I really dream of being a lawyer?

Or was it my fate to become a nurse

I believe this is my fate

Analyzing the events from the past

What I am today

Is the fruit of deciding my fate

I love you still

No matter how much the pain I’ve to suffer

No matter how much tears I’ve to cry

No matter how much the emptiness I’ve to bear

It’s really hard no to talk to you when I want to

So hard not to see you when I need to

So hard not to be with you when I long to

And so hard not love you when I still do

Sometimes I get confused with which to follow

My foolish heart or my thinking mind

They say my hear is poor in decision making

But it has a reason, which even my mind cannot fathom

Time can’t tell you how much I missed you

But time can tell you how much I need you

Time can’t tell and prove how special you are

But time can prove how much I care and love you

I know how easy it is to get love

And how painful for it to let go

How easy it is to spell and how hard to be define

But still I took the risk of falling in love

I thought I could forget you

To have a moment to still the restiveness in me

Hoped that my past would not haunt me

But it was so untrue

I was blinded by your intentions

I was fooled by your words

Hypnotized by your tender caresses

And fallen deep into your pretences

I was whole when you swept me off my feet

I was confident, complete and lax when you took me

Now, with your unexpected absence

My heart was shattered into pieces, left me for a living dead

I feel crashed and alone

You totally trashed me, broke me inside out

Left me down on my knees with eyes clouded with tears

A bleeding, shattered being as remnant of our past

A lonely pitiful heart

Scattered into small bits

A hurtful slow death

Remained the remnants of our past

Our love was like a road traveled

Some smooth and some rough

Some we like to remember, some we wish to forget

But one road I regret most, is the road where I met you

         I was so glad I was able to come in Batangas with my friends in the Hospital and I would not wanna miss it after all. Though it can not be helped if my other commitment was not cancelled. We were lesser that the last outing we had but there are new faces this time. We were joined by one of our Supervisor: Sir Ferds who came with his brother and two other from the Laboratory: Sir Jay and Ma’am Lanie,

        We  had fun, by the time we arrived we went straight to the floating cottege and water cycling. It really looked we came there to gamble coz most of the time the others are holding cash and cards. hehehe.As  the morning light shies away and the darkness came.. we had our dinner. we have no plates and spoon and forks prepared so we had nothing to do but eat with our fingers and the tops of the different tupperwares we brought. If you were with us.. you couldnt tell that we are professors by the way we were eating, hahahaha.  A few minutes rest and we played Patintero.. the box was kind of long and large.. and with us tired, legs aching after three hours playing.. a single single score wasn’ able to come. hahah. No score after three hours.. we got tired we stopped playing.

        After the game, we swam.. and there while swimming.. we laughed and laughed our hearts away… too bad others were already sleeping… missed a lot of the fun. hahahah.  After this  we went to the cottage to start the party.. the drinking and the dancing. I can say, alcohol is great partner with dancing.  unexpected things happen.. Kuya rene, it was the first time I saw him dance and Roque as well, Bob Joined in too.  The night ended up with dirty dancing.. the other wasnt able to witness it. Those who came.. knows really what happened..I was shocked, suprised and embarrassed. hahaha, it was unexpected. Luckily I was not holding my cam and my phone that time.. it will be rude of me if I was..hahah. Im keeping my mouth close right now..  To those who came… you know what I am talking about. hahha. The party ended in the wee hours of the morning.. everyone is tired.. had fun and sleepy.

        I guess I was able to sleep for at least two hours.. but my being insomniac is taking its toll on me. I was too tired even to sleep that time and when I was on the brink of sleeping.. suddenly the cottage beside us started the loud music.. how can I sleep.. I ended up waking up. hahha. I still have my Night duty  that day… and my energy is all drained up. But I did have a bit of sleep while on the way home on the Jeepney. It was enough… but i was not really feeling good at all.   When I got home.. I was vomiting and having diarrhea.. hahahaha. funny but i gotta work

    Though I was sick when I got home.. I was so happy I was able to come.. sorry for those who said that they will be coming but in the end didn’t because of the absence of the others. You have others friends.. not just those who you are always.. try coming with others and you’ll be happier than you are now. Learn to cooperate and befriends others. Maihalubilo naman kau.. in short. hahahahaha.

I woke up this morning thinking of you

And i wondered if you were thinking of me to…

I sat up and thought about our last goodbye

and all i could do was sit there and cry

It’s hard to let you go when i know what we could be

I just have to wait until the day that you will finally see

Maybe someday you’ll realize how much i care for you

and maybe you’ll realize that you care for me to

But until we meet what could be fate,

i’ll just sit here thinking of you and wait

A long time ago

We were lying in my bed

You looked into my eyes

And this is what you said

You said, Have you ever envisioned Heaven

And wondered what you would see?

At that moment I had seen Heaven

And in Heavens eyes, was reflected back me

You said when you get there

There is no pain

There are no shadows

And nothing is the same

I told you my definition of Heaven

I told you it was white and blue

You said Heaven couldn’t be defined

And that I didn’t have a clue

As we laid in my bed

I began to imagine this place

And as I shut my eyes

I envisioned your face

For I had seen Heaven

And it wasn’t hard to see

Because every piece of Heaven

Was right in front of me

Heaven wasn’t a place

And it wasn’t white or blue

Heaven is in the shape of a person

And this person is you’